the Empath in love
Empaths are usually very caring and give of themselves without reserve usually to their own detriment at times. Being particularly observant and hypersensitive to the needs, wants and desires of others and going without themselves to bring happiness and nurturing to their partners as they have a wish to avoid conflict at ALL costs.
There is more to be seen beneath the surface though. Often, those who exhibit these kinds of behaviours also carry with them a very low sense of their own self worth. With low self esteem, they are prone to bouts of depression, isolation, anxiety, and codependency on others.
This is where the danger lies in where codependency can often be expressed through the relationships they develop with other people because they are hypersensitive to aggression and prefer to avoid conflict. Their natural ability to want to keep the peace and make their partners content, can be turned into a means to placate those who are easily prone toward anger and aggression. Because of the naturally passive nature and energy of an Empath which tends to lean toward a passive attitude instead of an assertive one, they can, sadly, be dominated by more aggressive personalities. What this means is that Empaths who exhibit this kind of personality can leave themselves open to being used by others who they consider close to them. There is a higher risk of being manipulated and abused, whether the Empath 'chooses' to see it consciously or not. Empath energies are constantly emitting healing and deep emotion, and they give of themselves without reserve. There is also a higher risk of them ignoring negative behaviours and they can be known to make excuses for their partners, or preferring to blame themselves for what is/has been happening to themselves, instead of choosing to see what is really happening to them. This can happen to even the healthiest of Empaths!
The origins of this acceptance of imbalances in a relationship can come about naturally or through conditioning/negative experiences/upbringing. There are all types of conditioning that can bring about many issues in an Empath relationship. Those issues that are induced by conditioning though, often share some types of issues which allow for the onset of low self esteem, such as emotional abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence (even if it is watching domestic violence in other family members as a child), violent crimes, or through some other type of tragedy.This type of conditioning can begin from a very early age or sometime into one's teens.
Empaths who come by this predisposition naturally are equally as prone to being open toward the above types of conditioning because when one is a 'naturally' sensitive person or one has their psyche changed through these kinds of experiences, as children and young adults, they are left to the whims of others usually. and the behaviours that are developed in order to survive, become the survival skills we carry into adulthood. Just as the way we perceive ourselves as children, through the eyes of those that condition us, carries over in some shape or form as adults.
Low Self Esteem
Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent" or "I am incompetent") and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame. A person's self-esteem may be reflected in their behaviour, such as in assertiveness, shyness, confidence or caution.'
So low self esteem would occur when a person has a very low and negative overall evaluation/appraisal of his/her own worth. In other words, this occurs when you set others above you and consider them to be of more importance than you. And through comparison with others, you are always found lacking in some way.
A Few Characteristics of Low Self Esteem
Empaths with low self esteem may fall into a form of codependency as follows -
"I am no one unless someone loves me..."
Now you might be wondering why we had to go through low self esteem, codependence, love addiction, and the different types of love to reach this point, but to understand Empaths in love, one must understand how Empaths see the world first. Their experiences, which condition how they interact with others and how they perceive themselves, plays a direct, not to mention important role in whether they are able to have healthy relationships with others, intimate or otherwise.
Love for an Empath is hard. It's hard because of the kinds of people we become and the kinds of people we tend to be drawn to and associate with and want to help, heal and nurture. But in saying this, it doesn't mean Empaths can't have healthy relationships, as many have wonderful loving a rewarding relationships. It also doesn't mean Empaths who might shy away from intimacy do not want to be intimate. It doesn't mean there cannot be a balance between the extremes of being alone and being in a potentially destructive relationship.
The first step toward developing healthy relationships is understanding yourself, your sensitivities, your boundaries and your nature which is born out of your experiences which in turn, affects your interactions in relationships and the people you choose to become involved with in a deeper way.
Above ALL, an Empath needs such a deep nurturing and unconditional spiritual love yet this can be very difficult to comprehend by another who is non Empath. To have and to build a very solid and nurturing mutual connection with respect and boundaries that are kept, the effort to work on insecurities, fears and past traumas is imperative to welcome such a connection. Being responsible for your own emotions, NOT that of others is the key to self healing and self awareness.
There is more to be seen beneath the surface though. Often, those who exhibit these kinds of behaviours also carry with them a very low sense of their own self worth. With low self esteem, they are prone to bouts of depression, isolation, anxiety, and codependency on others.
This is where the danger lies in where codependency can often be expressed through the relationships they develop with other people because they are hypersensitive to aggression and prefer to avoid conflict. Their natural ability to want to keep the peace and make their partners content, can be turned into a means to placate those who are easily prone toward anger and aggression. Because of the naturally passive nature and energy of an Empath which tends to lean toward a passive attitude instead of an assertive one, they can, sadly, be dominated by more aggressive personalities. What this means is that Empaths who exhibit this kind of personality can leave themselves open to being used by others who they consider close to them. There is a higher risk of being manipulated and abused, whether the Empath 'chooses' to see it consciously or not. Empath energies are constantly emitting healing and deep emotion, and they give of themselves without reserve. There is also a higher risk of them ignoring negative behaviours and they can be known to make excuses for their partners, or preferring to blame themselves for what is/has been happening to themselves, instead of choosing to see what is really happening to them. This can happen to even the healthiest of Empaths!
The origins of this acceptance of imbalances in a relationship can come about naturally or through conditioning/negative experiences/upbringing. There are all types of conditioning that can bring about many issues in an Empath relationship. Those issues that are induced by conditioning though, often share some types of issues which allow for the onset of low self esteem, such as emotional abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, domestic violence (even if it is watching domestic violence in other family members as a child), violent crimes, or through some other type of tragedy.This type of conditioning can begin from a very early age or sometime into one's teens.
Empaths who come by this predisposition naturally are equally as prone to being open toward the above types of conditioning because when one is a 'naturally' sensitive person or one has their psyche changed through these kinds of experiences, as children and young adults, they are left to the whims of others usually. and the behaviours that are developed in order to survive, become the survival skills we carry into adulthood. Just as the way we perceive ourselves as children, through the eyes of those that condition us, carries over in some shape or form as adults.
Low Self Esteem
Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent" or "I am incompetent") and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame. A person's self-esteem may be reflected in their behaviour, such as in assertiveness, shyness, confidence or caution.'
So low self esteem would occur when a person has a very low and negative overall evaluation/appraisal of his/her own worth. In other words, this occurs when you set others above you and consider them to be of more importance than you. And through comparison with others, you are always found lacking in some way.
A Few Characteristics of Low Self Esteem
- Lack of Satisfaction. For people with low self esteem, the grass is always greener on the other side. These sorts of people are never satisfied with any aspect of their lives whether this aspect is their family or their car, these people constantly want more with the feeling that something bigger will give them the joy they desire.
- Apprehension of the Unknown. People who have low self-esteem are often afraid to try new things. Their fear of the unknown prevents them from doing what they really want to do and achieving their full potential.
- Staying in the Past. Low self-esteem sufferers are constantly unable to focus on the "here and now" they spend a huge amount of time bothering about the future and thinking about their past mistakes. These people often fail to enjoy the current joys that life provides them with.
- Self Dissatisfaction. Such people often fail to be comfortable with themselves; these people constantly focus on the negative and focus on losses instead of successes. They constantly neglect themselves or focus too much on their appearance because they lack the belief in their looks.
- Acceptance of Imperfections. These people are constantly unable to accept the fact that they're not perfect. They strive for perfection at all times and become increasingly distraught when they fail to achieve the superficial standards of perfection they set for themselves. These people are also over sensitive and worry about criticism at all times.
- Lack of Intimacy. These people can't be really intimate with other people and find it hard and impossible to be intimate with friends, family and other people. The relationships they have tend to be surface level at best.
- Busy Bees. Busy people don't have the chance to look at their fundamental problems and issues, so people with self-esteem issues often hide their real feelings and issues by appearing to be constantly busy.
Empaths with low self esteem may fall into a form of codependency as follows -
"I am no one unless someone loves me..."
- I must be in a relationship and be special to someone in order to be OK with myself
- may use care taking and sexuality to gain approval/acceptance
- goes from relationship to relationship
Now you might be wondering why we had to go through low self esteem, codependence, love addiction, and the different types of love to reach this point, but to understand Empaths in love, one must understand how Empaths see the world first. Their experiences, which condition how they interact with others and how they perceive themselves, plays a direct, not to mention important role in whether they are able to have healthy relationships with others, intimate or otherwise.
Love for an Empath is hard. It's hard because of the kinds of people we become and the kinds of people we tend to be drawn to and associate with and want to help, heal and nurture. But in saying this, it doesn't mean Empaths can't have healthy relationships, as many have wonderful loving a rewarding relationships. It also doesn't mean Empaths who might shy away from intimacy do not want to be intimate. It doesn't mean there cannot be a balance between the extremes of being alone and being in a potentially destructive relationship.
The first step toward developing healthy relationships is understanding yourself, your sensitivities, your boundaries and your nature which is born out of your experiences which in turn, affects your interactions in relationships and the people you choose to become involved with in a deeper way.
Above ALL, an Empath needs such a deep nurturing and unconditional spiritual love yet this can be very difficult to comprehend by another who is non Empath. To have and to build a very solid and nurturing mutual connection with respect and boundaries that are kept, the effort to work on insecurities, fears and past traumas is imperative to welcome such a connection. Being responsible for your own emotions, NOT that of others is the key to self healing and self awareness.